Here's a snippet from Sarah Vowell's Assassination Vacation (discussed previously) that just struck me as the most amazing thing ever:

"I'm still debating," she says, delighted to be asked, "how I want my body to be preserved in the museum."

Stupidly, I think I had meant did she want to be buried or cremated. "In the museum?" I repeat.

"Oh, absolutely. That's traditional. A lot of the curators end up as part of their collections. You know Jeremy Bentham?"

Can't say I do.

"Eighteenth-century Englishman. He was associated with the University of London. He had his body mummified with the stipulation in his will that he shall attend all of the annual meetings. So they keep his body in the closet and then they have to wheel him out."

"Still?"

"Yes, they do it. I mean now his face is missing; it's modeled in wax, but it's still this skeleton with clothes on it. It's very cool."

So, this is my request. If I happen to die while I Need Sleep is still playing together, my wish is for my mummified body to be present on stage at every show, preferably with animatronic joints that make me dance to the beat.

If you don't, I swear I'll haunt you all.

-D

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The news today: There is a God.

I saw the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy movie last night, and it was great. As all my friends know, I am a huge Douglas Adams fan. I've read all the Hitchhiker's books countless times, I've listened to the radio show over and over, and I think I'm the only one on the planet who enjoys the terrible, terrible television show. So, speaking as a die-hard fan of the series, let me say again that the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy movie is great.

The story for the movie is almost completely new and different, which is what Douglas did with every new iteration of the Guide. The biggest difference in style, though, is in the dialogue. Douglas' writing is almost Shakespearean in its perfection, and although it's wonderful on paper, it sounds pretty unnatural when it actually comes out of someone's mouth. All the dialogue in the movie was considerably loosened up, so although many of my favorite lines were dropped, the whole thing seemed more real. Plus, there were so many new things that I didn't miss any of the omissions.

Visually, the movie was incredible. All the CG work was very tasteful, and the Magrathea sequence actually took my breath away, which has never really happened to me before in a movie theater. What really impressed me about this movie's special effects, though, was the stuff that wasn't digital. Jim Henson's studio used puppets for the Vogons, and they did an incredible job. They look like something Terry Gilliam would dream up, and they seem so much more real than, say, Jar-Jar Binks.

I could go on about this movie forever, but you should really just go see it. They did such a good job that I think that people who have read the books will still like it, and people who see the movie first could still find great joy in reading the books.

I really hope there's a sequel.

-D

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• The Ghost that Feeds - Excellent mashup between Nine Inch Nails and the Ghostbusters theme (via)
  

Sufjan Stevens - Come On, Feel the Illinoise (mp3) - I like this song. I hope you will as well. (via)

Ok, I'm going to go into a little bit more detail on this, because I think it's interesting. This guy, Sufjan Stevens, is bent on making an album for all 50 states. As far as songs about the states go, all my friends know of my obsession with John Linnell's State Songs. This other guy sounds pretty good, though. Here's the track listing for Illinois according to Pitchfork:

01 Concerning the UFO Sighting Near Highland, IL
02 The Black Hawk War, or, How to Demolish an Entire Civilization and Still Feel Good About Yourself in the Morning, or, We Apologize for the Inconvenience But You're Going to Have to Leave Now, or, "I have fought the Big Knives and will continue to fight them until they are off our lands!"
03 Come on! Feel the Illinoise!
-Part I: The World's Columbian Exposition
-Part II: Carl Sandburg Visits Me in a Dream
04 John Wayne Gacy, Jr.
05 Jacksonville
06 A Short Reprise for Mary Todd, Who Went Insane, But for Very Good Reasons
07 Decatur, or, Round of Applause for Your Step Mother!
08 One Last "Woo-hoo!" for the Pullman
09 Chicago
10 Casimir Pulaski Day
11 To the Workers of the Rockford River Valley Region, I have an Idea Concerning Your Predicament, and it involves shoe string, a lavender garland, and twelve strong women
12 The Man of Metropolis Steals Our Hearts
13 Prairie Fire That Wanders About
14 A Conjunction of Drones Simulating the Way in Which Sufjan Stevens Has an Existential Crisis in the Great Godfrey Maze
15 The Predatory Wasp of the Palisades Is Out to Get Us!
16 They Are Night Zombies!! They Are Neighbors!! They Have Come Back From the Dead!! Ahhhhh!
17 Let's Hear That String Part Again, Because I Don't Think They Heard It All the Way Out in Bushnell
18 In This Temple, as in the Hearts of Man, for Whom He Saved the Earth
19 The Seer's Tower
20 The Tallest Man, the Broadest Shoulders
-Part I: The Great Frontier
-Part II: Come to Me Only With Playthings Now
21 Riffs and Variations on a Single Note for Jelly Roll, Earl Hines, Louis Armstrong, Baby Dodds, and the King of Swing, to Name a Few
22 Out of Egypt, into the Great Laugh of Mankind, and I shake the dirt from my sandals as I run

Yeah, I think I'll have to buy it.

-D

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• This guy kept his dead mother in his freezer for four years while he lived off her social security checks - You think eventually he'd see "Psycho" and realize that living with your dead mother is just not right.
  

• Wanna buy an eyeball... from the Residents?
  

I don't know who Thomas Friedman is, but this review of his new book "The World is Flat" is the funniest thing I've read all week. Here's a clip:

Predictably, Friedman spends the rest of his huge book piling one insane image on top of the other, so that by the end—and I'm not joking here—we are meant to understand that the flat world is a giant ice-cream sundae that is more beef than sizzle, in which everyone can fit his hose into his fire hydrant, and in which most but not all of us are covered with a mostly good special sauce. Moreover, Friedman's book is the first I have encountered, anywhere, in which the reader needs a calculator to figure the value of the author's metaphors.

When you're done with the article, check out this hilarious cover. He truly does sound like the worst writer ever. Sassy!

-D

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• George Lucas is working on a new Star Wars TV show - I hope the new movie is good... but I know it can't be.
  

I like drawing comics this way. It's closer to how I see the world; Not necessarily as lines, but really more as colors and shapes.

Anyway, this one came out as some kind of mix between a softer world and a lesson is learned. Just gotta keep doodling, and something original will come out sooner or later, I hope.

-D

PS. Erik sent me this picture of some really bad facial hair. Enjoy.

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Jeffrey Rowland is dead. This is what I'm getting tattooed on my arm, and then I think I'll go live in the woods. It is a sad, sad day.

-D

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It seems like yearbook pictures just drain away any character that a person might have. If it's not documenting people's character, then what is it doing? There should be more pictures of the people we love.

-D

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• Trailer: "Howl's Moving Castle," The new Miyazaki movie - Can't wait! (via)
  

• Smart Cars coming to America - These things were all over Italy. They're freakin' adorable (via)
  

Ok, so my all-time favorite cartoonist Jeffrey Rowland (Wigu, Overcompensating) had recurring dreams as a teenager that he would die on April 23rd, 2005, which is tomorrow. He's been counting down the days in his comics, and now the final day is upon us. Will he really die? Is he just crazy? One of three things could happen...

1. He could live, which would make me very happy.
2. He could fake his own death, which would make me very angry if I found out, but after a while I would be ok with it because that's pretty hilarious.
3. He could really die

If Jeffrey Rowland really does die tomorrow, I swear I will join a monestary or something, take a vow of silence, and devote myself to God and whatever else it is they do in monestaries these days. Ok, I'm not sure if that's exactly what I'd do, but let me tell you right now, some serious shit's gonna go down. You have no idea.

Until then, I will continue to be my normal, laid-back self. This one goes out to you, Jeff. Good luck facing your destiny.

-D

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• Congress confuses file sharing with manslaughter - The entertainment industry owns your government (via)
  

• The Original "Soup Nazi" is offering his own line of heat-n-serve soups
  

• Bastard Tetris - Uses special algorithms to choose the worst brick possible. Awesome idea, but it's Linux only! Argh! (via)
  

Today I bought the latest book from Sarah Vowell, "Assassination Vacation." I had not yet read anything written by Vowell, but I'd been interested in her ever since seeing her in "Gigantic," the documentary about They Might Be Giants. She showed up on the Daily Show the other night promoting this new book, and I could not resist the charm of anything that revolves around one woman's hilariously morbid fascination with death and history. Oh, Sarah, could our interests be any closer?

So, after lunch with my mother at Chipotle (The one on Weber, which through careful scientific analysis I have found to be the superior Chipotle), we headed over to the local Borders. I hadn't spent thirty seconds looking at books before a cute, punky girl with dyed hair and piercings asked if I needed help finding something. I was instantly insanely attracted to her, which I am with pretty much any girl that pays any attention to me, and was relieved to hear myself say, "Uh, yeah. Sarah Vowell's new book, 'Assassination Vacation.'" Thank god I wasn't looking for something stupid! Here I was, wearing my one-of-a-kind "USSR" t-shirt (obviously a sign of sophistication), which hopefully was looking awesome on my sculpted pectoral muscles (I had totally done like twenty push-ups the night before out of sheer boredom), and I was looking for a reasonably intelligent book. She led me around the store looking for a couple of minutes, we found the book, and then... Oops! Gotta get my mom to buy the book for me because I'm dead broke. There goes all my awesomeness.

She wasn't that attractive, anyway.

It's just as well, because after reading the first forty-four pages of "Assassination Vacation" I've realized that I'm totally in love with Sarah Vowell. The book details her fascination with America's first three presidential assassinations and her 'pilgrimage' to see all the landmarks memorializing them. I will surely give a full review once I've finished the book, but I can tell you what I've gathered so far: Sarah Vowell is the cleverest person ever. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go read and maybe do some push-ups.

-D

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Ok, I'm a huge Douglas TenNapel fanboy, so this is pretty cool. I made this post a while back about Flight Volume 2 in which I praised TenNapel's comic. Two days later, he linked to my post on his website! I think this is what blogging is really about. For the first time, someone I've written about actually cares about what I have said. I'm starting to think that this blog thing isn't just me jerking off my ego. Or maybe I have only begun to jerk... I'm not really sure how that works. Anyway, I feel as if I'm on the road to writing something sort of relevant to the rest of the world now.

Thanks, Doug.

-D

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The show last night was really awesome. We passed out instruments and everyone played and rocked out. I don't think I've ever seen an audience quite like that before.

...but MORE IMPORTANTLY...



Yeah, I'm gonna need that shirt when I have the money.

-D

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I'm sorry about that last post, it won't happen again. I really hate that Emo Dave, he's such a pretentious bastard. Anyway, there won't be any more of that emotional crap here on i=bored, I promise you.

I can't help what goes on with that "My Switchcomb Broke" thing, though. I don't know what that's about.

-D

Current music: Radiohead
Current mood: Emo

Dear intar-net journal,

Today, I have decided that I can no longer contain my vast spectrum of emotions. No longer can they be CONTAINED in the pages of my spiral notebook diary, they must be launched forth onto the internets by way of electronic wires and whatnot. It is only here in the digital realm that I can truly express how emotional I am, with my feelings properly illustrated through italicized, emboldened, and CAPITALIZED text. I don't even know if "emboldened" is a word, but I'm using it without looking it up because it expresses what I feel so perfectly, and if it isn't a word then it should be in order to make the english language better at facilitating my emotions.

I've also decided that I can no longer keep my emotions from SPILLING into my music like so many fuzzy lemmings pushing and shoving their brothers into the cold cold sea. This is why I have to announce to you now the most emotional band ever conceived: MY SWITCHCOMB BROKE. I can not tell you any more, other than the fact that you have yet to actually experience true emotion until you have heard the heart-breaking lyrics and melodies created by MY SWITCHCOMB BROKE. There is no way to prepare.

-Emo Dave

"I guess I'm dead now. Oh well."

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I just bought and read the second issue of Flight, and it was incredible. It's the same incredible quality of the first, but it's got to be twice as thick. I think I enjoyed the stories more, too, overall. Douglas TenNapel's comic made me laugh out loud at least three times, now I have to go buy up all his other comics (when I have some money). I mean, just read the summary for his new book "Earthboy Jacobus":

Chief Edwards retires from the Modesto Police Department a lonely man. On his way home, he hits a flying whale with his car, opening the beast's mouth to find a boy from a parallel universe named Jacobus. Chief discovers that a society of insect monsters want to kill this boy due to a mysterious virus that grows on his hand. He becomes a father figure to the boy and trains him how to survive insect monsters by becoming a great American ass-kicker.

What's not to love about something that weird?

Anyway, I think you should get Flight Vol.2 if you like comics. If you don't... then what the hell is wrong with you?

-D

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There was some big election going on it Italy while I was there. Everybody had their face on these posters, there were just rows of the same face plastered everywhere. This one had gum all over it.

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Ok, here's a livejournal-style survey thing of my own wicked design.

1.) Name a drink:

2.) Three words to describe the drink:

3.) If there was a song that mentioned the drink, what would the song be about:

4.) What would the title of the song be:

5.) If the song were used in a movie soundtrack, who would star in the movie:

6.) In the movie trailer, what would the voiceover guy say to describe it:

7.) Name a body of water:

8.) Three words to describe this body of water:

9.) If you were in the middle of this body of water, would you be lost forever or slightly damp:

10.) When humans colonize the moon, what will they eat:

11.) Will breakfast, lunch, and dinner still have meaning on the moon:

12.) Name an underwater creature:

13.) Three words to describe this creature:

14.) Do people eat this creature:

15.) Have you eaten this creature:

16.) What would this creature think about being eaten:

17.) What would you think about being eaten:

18.) What do you suppose would be eating you:

19.) Name a famous painting:

20.) Three words to describe the painting:

21.) How do you imagine the artist:

22.) Do you think the artist had any terrible maladies:

23.) How do you think this affected the painting:

24.) Would the artist's work have been improved upon with the aid of a phone with a camera in it:

25.) Does your phone have a camera in it:


I'll expect a full report on my desk by armageddon.

-D

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I just returned from my Tennessee trip yesterday, which was so chock-full of adventures that I am still recovering. We were surprised to note that people down there speak in a manner that is different from what we are accustomed to hearing... I'm told that it's called a southern accent. I was delighted to find that Tim's charming new lady-friend was equipped with said accent, and also that she is just an all-around awesome gal.

Oh, and also, Tim's band was one of the most incredible things I've ever seen. Seriously, Matgo Primo... totally awesome.

I will relate to you the stories of the things that happened when I am feeling more coherent. Until then, my friends!

-D

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Tomorrow the band is going to Knoxville. I get to drive for eight hours with DL, Reana, Brian, and Brian's girlfriend. It should prove to be... interesting. My point is, I won't be posting all weekend probably. So long, my vikings!

-D

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• What is the Whoreboat?
  

• Google Sightseeing - A blog devoted to awesome Sattelite photos from Google Maps (via)
  

• Get Perpendicular! - Hitachi explains their revolutionary hard drive technology in a goofy schoolhouse rock style cartoon (via)
  

I feel like painting. What do you think I should paint?

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• One-dimensional Tetris - Kottke says it's "Literally seconds of fun!"
  

There are some strange stores in Italy. We saw one that was called "expensive!" that I think would go over great with all the kids here in Naperville.

Thanks to John S. for taking the picture.

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In an effort to make my website more like an online portfolio, I added a photo section to it. Hooray?

Also, some more conversation with Ben Shin:

Ben Shin: i just wrote a song called pieces of me
Ben Shin: want to hear it?
Me: I do
Ben Shin: okay
Ben Shin: go to the ashlee simpson website
Ben Shin: and then it should be on there somewhere
Me: does it go "Someone is eating pieces of me"
Me: "I'm locked in a basement"
Me: "Please help me escape"
Ben Shin: wow
Ben Shin: uh
Ben Shin: thats pretty fucked up
Ben Shin: no joke
Ben Shin: that fightens me a bit
Ben Shin: you sick son of a bitch
Me: I'm laughing so hard
Ben Shin: wow
Me: you might say I'm ROFL

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• Fun with google maps: Burning Man campsite and DAVE (via)
  

• Find coffee shops that are not Starbucks using the Starbucks Delocator - and then do some awesome Google bombing by using the phrase "Starbucks Delocator" when you link to it
  

• Do Your Damn Taxes Dot Com (via)
  

• Google Maps with Satellite photos - Check out the zoom! Google is the best thing ever (via)
  

Flickr's back! I felt so alone without it.

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• New Gorillaz Video - I'm not really a fan of the band, but the art is great (via)
  

Ben Shin: you are a horrible person
Me: am I?
Ben Shin: a horribly horrible person
Ben Shin: that and a homosexual
Me: on what facts do you base your accusations?
Ben Shin: a.
Ben Shin: you smell
Ben Shin: exhibit b
Ben Shin: you're gay
Ben Shin: i rest my case
Me: you make a good argument
Me: or at least you would
Me: if you hadn't forgotten
Me: that you're a bastard
Ben Shin: hmmm
Ben Shin: interesting case point
Ben Shin: however
Ben Shin: your evidence wasn't presented before hand
Ben Shin: let it be known that the latter evidence is to be stricken from the record
Me: this isn't a court
Me: it's an insane asylum
Ben Shin: ORDER
Ben Shin: ORDER
Me: NO YOU'RE OUT OF ORDER
Me: THIS WHOLE COURTROOM IS OUT OF ORDER
Ben Shin: one more outburst like that and i'll hold you out in contempt
Ben Shin: biotch
Me: You can't hold me in contempt
Me: I have arms made of metal
Ben Shin: hmmm
Me: that can bend bars
Ben Shin: AH HA
Me: and bones
Ben Shin: baliff the MAGNETS
Me: NO
Ben Shin: AHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA
Me: MY WEAKNESS
Ben Shin: you have been proven
Ben Shin: magnatized

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• For silent karaoke... or something. (via)
  
  

• Pretty in Pink 2 - Umm... WHAT??? (via)
  

• Video: DJ Format's "3 Feet Deep" - The video revolves around a Dance Dance revolution-like arcade game based on rapping. (via)
  

It wasn't a gay bar, but it was in a very homosexual part of town. Walking back after parking my car I saw more man-couples holding hands and kissing than I had ever seen in all my life... which is to say more than one. Every pair of men I passed gave me strange looks, as if to say, "Where's your boyfriend?"

"I can't help it!" I protested, "I like girls! It's just the way I was born! I am not a freak!" I ran the rest of the way to the bar with my face buried in my hands.

After the show, a guy with big hoop earrings and a lisp gave me a limp handshake and told me how great we played. I said, "Thanks, man!" There was a moment of awkward silence, and I realized that I had just committed a fruit faux pas by calling him "man." We parted ways and resumed hitting on the bartenders (female and male, respectively).

The moral of this story is still unclear to me.

-Dave

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• Even more poppin' and lockin' - (via my sis)
  

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• Some more freaky awesome dancing from the folks that brought you that singing in the rain VW commercial (via)
  

• Some 70's band - This is exactly what I think I Need Sleep's first real music video should be like (video, via)
  

• Woo to direct Katamari Damacy movie - Man, I can't wait till april 2nd (via)
  

Today's April Fool's day, so everyone be on your guard! You never know when somebody might be like, "I'M GONNA KEEL YOU" and pull out a big 'ol magnum revolver, and you'd be peeing your pants even though it's really just a joke. So just stay calm no matter what happens today, okay?

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